Finding time for each other

When I was pregnant, Mr M and I used to like discussing how having a baby “won’t change us” – we weren’t going to become one of those couples who become ‘all about the baby’ at the expense of each other. We were determined that we would still exist as a couple in our own right and our whole identities wouldn’t be consumed upon becoming parents.finding time for each other after a baby

 

It was all very easy for us to say this back then – we naively thought that we had a choice in the matter. The truth is, when you have a baby demanding all of your attention, it is rather difficult to make ‘time for each other’.

The time you used to spend as a couple, gazing into each others eyes over a candlelit dinner that took you five hours to prepare (oh the days!), is replaced by frantically throwing together “whatever’s easy to cook!”, as you wipe the baby sick off your t-shirt, pick up the trail of toys strewn throughout the house (every room!) and tidy up the carnage that is the bathroom after ‘bath time!’ And then you finally flop on the sofa…”You can get the monitor…”

“No, you get it…”

Looking back now I wonder what we used to do with all of that time we used to have before becoming parents?? The days when I used to spend almost two hours getting ready for a ‘date night’, or would contentedly spend an hour browsing though cookery books, planning what new recipe I would cook for us at the weekend. Last week, we all went on holiday and I spent ten minutes packing for us, and three hours packing for Taylor.

But…despite the fact that having a baby most definitely did change our relationship, I like to think that we haven’t lost sight of who we are as a couple. Now that Taylor’s nine months old, it’s nice to have our evenings back and know that after 7pm, we can still enjoy ‘us time.’

Rather than big date nights or romantic breaks, it’s the little things that are important to us since becoming parents – like cuddling up on the sofa rather than browsing our phones, always kissing each other goodbye no matter how busy we are, and helping each other out when we need a hand.

We’ve also managed to maintain an okay social life since becoming parents, whether it’s taking Taylor out in her buggy when we go out for dinner, having friends around, or going on holiday – we’re still having fun together. Yes, our conversations over dinner usually revolve around Taylor (“I love it when she…”, “she was so cute today when…”) and we spent every evening of our holiday wondering a) when she was going to fall to sleep or b) when she was going to wake up, but we wouldn’t have it any other way.

For me, one of the best things about being Mum, is always having Dad by my side.

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26 Comment

  1. Nikki Frank-Hamilton
    October 1, 2015 at 9:13 pm

    Natalie, LOL! I remember those conversations! Isn’t it funny what we think about parenthood and being a couple before we become parents? But I commend you both for trying to carve out that time, you need it. It’s good for all of you to remember why you decided to start a family. When children see that their parents love each other it shows them what a good relationship is like. Keep it up! Thanks for linking up to #WAYWOW! Pinning and sharing!
    Nikki Frank-Hamilton recently posted…Our Story-Levi’s Late Teens-Turning Back TimeMy Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      October 1, 2015 at 10:26 pm

      Haha, I know – hindsight is such a great thing isn’t it?! But yes, we really haven’t had to change so drastically – especially now that Taylor sleeps through after 7pm – bliss! It is so easy for us to get consumed by our children (and who doesn’t), but also equally important to not forget each other. Thanks for visiting x

  2. mummuddlingthrough
    October 1, 2015 at 9:49 pm

    I could not agree more. It’s so hard to find time for each other post-baby. We often talk about how all our babysitting tokens are used up by social events we are invited to, rather than ‘date nights’! It’s even harder with two kids…but, as you quite wonderfully put, it’s about adjusting and making different ‘date nights’ – dinner at the table, lunch out with the kids, and maintaining respect and appreciation for each other x
    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub, it’s been nice to find your blog x MMT
    mummuddlingthrough recently posted…#coolmumclub Linky #1 The Launch Party!My Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      October 1, 2015 at 10:20 pm

      Haha, yes I think we’ve had one ‘date night’ together without Taylor in the past nine months! But we have managed a handful of social events and to be honest it’s always quite nice to let our hair down (i.e have more than a few) with friends! But yes, it’s definitely the little every day things that make all the difference. You’ve made me realise that we’ve gradually slipped into dinner on the sofa again – we need to get back to our dinner table! Thanks for stopping by, looking forward to linking up next week x

  3. Emily from HeyMommies.com
    October 1, 2015 at 9:51 pm

    Aww this is really great to read. My husband and I have always done things to make sure there’s still time for us! It’s so important. Having a child DEFINITELY has changed things between my husband and we still make that effort to build our relationship.
    Emily from HeyMommies.com recently posted…5 Tips for Weaning from a Bottle to CupMy Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      October 1, 2015 at 10:16 pm

      Aw thanks Emily! Yes it is so important to still do things just for each other – it can be so easy to get caught up in daily life once you have children. But the time is there really it’s just up to us to make sure that we keep on making the effort with one another. Thanks for commenting 🙂

  4. Louise (Little Hearts, Big Love)
    October 1, 2015 at 10:06 pm

    That last line, to me, just says it all. Having someone there to be loving and supportive makes such a huge difference. It can be so hard to find time for each other once you have children but it is those little moments of couple time that can make all the difference. Beautiful post – thank you for sharing.
    Louise (Little Hearts, Big Love) recently posted…Me and Mine – SeptemberMy Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      October 1, 2015 at 10:13 pm

      Hi Louise, it is so true that having a supportive partner can make the world of difference. I think it’s too easy for us to take each other for granted and it’s important to take some time out for each other every now and again. Thanks for stopping by x

  5. Mama, My Kid Doesn't Poop Rainbows
    October 2, 2015 at 2:17 am

    Aw, lovely! Isn’t it funny the things we used to say in our naivete? One of my other favourites was I’ll never let him watch TV. Bahahahahahahaha!

    #coolmumsclub
    Mama, My Kid Doesn’t Poop Rainbows recently posted…My Brain in the Middle of the NightMy Profile

  6. Life Loving
    October 3, 2015 at 10:15 pm

    I think you have your priorities in order. I don’t have any kids yet, but in a relationship it is all about the little things that you do for each other, to show you still care. So many people make these grand gestures but forget the little things. I’m sure that having a child will only do one of two things, make or break a relationship and it sounds you are on safe ground. Kindness is so often overlooked. Thanks for stopping by #LifeLovingLinkie. I hope to see you again next week.

    Sally @ Life Loving
    Life Loving recently posted…Beautiful BarcelonaMy Profile

  7. NewMummyBlog
    October 4, 2015 at 9:37 am

    Fab post! I agree 100% we were exactly the same and to be honest we did go out for dinner when H was a newborn, as she just slept, so now we can’t that’s been more of an adjustment. In saying that, now H is 10 months, like you, it’s fab knowing that from 7pm it’s us time, and I can spend an hour cooking a nice dinner while hubby tidies up, and then watch a film. Sometime soon, we’re going to ask his mum to babysit in the evening after H is in bed and we might go to the cinema! #KCACOLS
    NewMummyBlog recently posted…The playroom at the end of the dayMy Profile

  8. The Breastest News
    October 6, 2015 at 11:23 am

    Lol, great post. My hubby and I are the same. We can’t remember what we did with our time before we had the kids. Our son, who’s almost 6, can go to his grandparents to stay now and again but since we’ve had our daughter, 8 months, we’re back to sleepless nights and tons of nappy changes, breastfeeding for me so she can’t stay with anyone. We make the most of it though and wouldn’t change it for the world. I just have to be more organised 🙂 #TwinklyTuesday
    The Breastest News recently posted…Dear GranMy Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      October 13, 2015 at 9:27 am

      It is virtually impossible to be organised with a young baby – especially when you’re sleep deprived! At least they still nap at this age so you can get a little more done and they can also sleep in their buggies. But yes – completely impossible to have anyone else look after them. I didn’t breastfeed but it is still a big ask when they are so unpredictable. As you say though, wouldn’t change it for the world x

  9. theloveofacaptain
    October 6, 2015 at 11:58 am

    With all the best intentions in the world, finding time together when you have a baby isn’t as easy as we all hope. We pretty much have Jack with us all the time but that’s okay, that’s why we wanted children. We still get to spend time together, we just have a little man tagging along for the ride xx #TwinklyTuesday
    theloveofacaptain recently posted…Tantrums, Attitude and ParacetamolMy Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      October 7, 2015 at 10:34 am

      Yes exactly! We’re all about still trying to find time to do what we want to do but taking Taylor along with us – we’re lucky as she’s still pretty adaptable. I can see it getting more and more difficult as she gets a little older though! xx

  10. Kirsty
    October 6, 2015 at 1:34 pm

    I agree with this and we started out the same. The only issue we find is that I physically need to put a night out in the diary and stick to it or I will cancel as we will say we are too tired to go out. we are more sofa and takeaway people than a going out couple, and thank goodness we are. I don’t have the energy after a day to go out. I am in bed by 9pm 🙂 x #TwinklyTuesday
    Kirsty recently posted…If you wrote a letter to yourself 10 years ago, what would it say?My Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      October 7, 2015 at 10:30 am

      Yes we are definitely more takeaway and sofa people too these days! It is much easier to go out in the beginning and it is harder now that Taylor goes to sleep at 7pm – you spend so long trying to get them into that routine that you’re paranoid about messing it up again! 🙂

  11. […] favourite Blog of the week came from Natalie aka Mum in Brum ‘Finding time for each other’.   Mr G and I seem to go in a cycle of getting caught up in the day to day shizzle, then have a […]

  12. A Moment with Franca
    October 10, 2015 at 11:10 am

    You are absolutely right! It is important to keep having some time with your partner. I have 2 girls (5 and 1 yo) and we still haven’t found a suitable babysitter. It is not easy to leave your kids with strangers. Until now we have tried to spend the evenings together doing things together like having dinner, watching a movie or even going through my blog as this is something that we do together too. I would love to be able to go out of the house more but I guess things will be easier with Sienna (1 yo) soon and we will be able to get my in laws to help more. Thank you so much for linking up with me at #KCACOLS. Please join me again tomorrow. 🙂 x
    A Moment with Franca recently posted…A beautiful Boat Trip with Lands’ EndMy Profile

  13. Lisa (mummascribbles)
    October 11, 2015 at 9:39 pm

    Oh god yes. I think we are currently at a point where we have completely forgotten. It’s been so long since we have been out together properly, we are both absolutely exhausted with work and Zach having just turned three is utterly exhausting too! We are quite frankly absolutely knackered. However, my mum is planning something for my birthday, and I know it features just me and him. We totally have a date coming up where we will be together. And I can’t wait! Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday
    Lisa (mummascribbles) recently posted…I’m back!!My Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      October 12, 2015 at 9:19 pm

      Yep, it can be so hard when you’re so busy to find time for each other. Most nights we just can’t wait to go to sleep! That will be great to go on a date night for your birthday though – I think when you do it less often it makes it more of an occasion. I just like having the opportunity to get dressed up every once in a while as I feel like I live in my joggers 🙂

  14. El
    November 12, 2015 at 5:41 am

    So so so true…There was a we before we became three 🙂 It’s good to always make time for each other. It’s the small things that count so much – the little looks, the smiles, the jokes that only the two of you understand – that’s enough to carry me through the day or years. #brilliantblogposts

  15. becca farrelly
    November 12, 2015 at 9:05 pm

    Its so tricky isn’t it so spend time as a couple, we have spent 2yrs trying to get back to a portion of how we were before Mia and now we make a point to go out together twice a month (whether we can be bothered or not!!) and its helped massively! its such an important thing to do 🙂

    #brillblogposts
    becca farrelly recently posted…Weight Loss Post #6My Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      November 12, 2015 at 10:01 pm

      That is such a good idea! We’ve recently introduced ‘date night’ on a Friday where we’ll have a nice meal with a bottle of wine and sit at the table after Taylor’s gone to bed. It’s so nice just to have some quality time to ourselves

  16. Becky (@EducatingR)
    November 12, 2015 at 10:04 pm

    oh i remember those conversations! With the hours my hubby works, we barely see each other so finding time is difficult at the moment. I’m craving a date night! x
    Becky (@EducatingR) recently posted…Tonight Matthew, I’m going to be….My Profile

  17. […] M and I are so busy these days that it can be difficult to make time for each other in and around our general daily ‘life tasks’ – working, commuting, cooking, […]

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