Friendship after thirty

friendship in your 30s

Having moved around quite a bit in my adult life, I haven’t had a large friendship group around me since my university days. In some ways I’ve missed this and envy those who can arrange an impromptu drink with a friend, or drive five minutes away for a cuppa and a listening ear.

friendship in your 30s

But at thirty one, having lots of friends isn’t so important to me.

Throughout my twenties I lost touch with a lot of friends as our lives went in different directions. This bothered me at 25, but as time goes on you realise that it’s okay to grow apart – like previous relationships, previous friendships form a part of who you are. It doesn’t matter that you no longer see each other or even speak anymore. What matters is that at one point in time, you had a blast and you made some great memories together.

But other friendships stand the test of time and it doesn’t matter how much you’ve changed, or how different your lives have become – you know that you will always be friends, no matter what. The majority of my friends live in different counties and I don’t see them from one month to the next. Sometimes we can go for months at a time without seeing each other or even speaking, but whenever we do get together it’s as though we saw each other just yesterday.

My friends aren’t needy, they don’t fall out with me if I don’t text back within two days (which is a good job since I never do) and they don’t judge my life choices, as I wouldn’t judge theirs. A lot of my friends lead very different lives to me – they aren’t married and don’t have kids, but I don’t think that true friendship is even about having things in common – it’s just about having someone who understands you and loves you for who you are, as you do them. It’s about always being there for one another when it really matters – even if it is the first call you’ve had in four months.

It sounds harsh, but by thirty you realise that life’s too short and time is too precious to spend time with people for the sake of it. I know that the friends I still have now are there because they have been worth the effort – and because they think that I’ve been worth the effort. We have triumphed.

I came across this quote which I think perfectly sums up friendship in your thirties:

“The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.”

So, here’s to those friends that have stood the test of time – you know who you are.
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24 Comment

  1. Katrin@KreativK.net
    October 28, 2015 at 12:43 pm

    Hi Natalie, I know exactly what you mean, I’ve lived in different countries and have friends here and there, but now we are really hanging out and enjoying time with the ones that live where we live and also have kids, same interests etc. It’s what is going on at the current state of each persons life, right? It’s so true what you say: hanging out with friends for the sake of it. I find it’s more important to have friends with similar life circumstances.
    Thanks for this! #WAYWOW
    Katrin@KreativK.net recently posted…Beauty BoxMy Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      November 5, 2015 at 9:38 pm

      Hi Katrin, it is hard when you move around to have a large group of friends isn’t it? It is great hanging out with people who have the same interests – especially now we have Taylor it’s great for her to meet other kids too x

  2. Michelle
    October 28, 2015 at 2:08 pm

    I recently wrote a two-part piece on Friendship and how it is different for me now that I’m older. I have some long time friends that I’ve known since childhood but many others have come and gone. They do leave an impact on you life though and help you become the person you are meant to be. I’ve always been of the thought that having a few good friends is better than having a lot of fair-weather friends but it has definitely become more important to me in my thirties to really appreciate each and every single one. Visiting from #waywow
    Michelle recently posted…8 Things to Know About ADHDMy Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      November 5, 2015 at 9:40 pm

      I am so with you – quality is always better than quantity in every aspect of life, friends especially! I think you do appreciate your long-term friends in your thirties. Thanks for commenting

  3. Heaven
    October 29, 2015 at 1:52 am

    What a blessing you have in long-standing friendships. I’m afraid I don’t really and I’m nearing my forties. Maybe it’s time I made a stronger effort! Thank you for the post. #WAYWOW
    Heaven recently posted…How to Easily Make Ghost Boogers with Homemade GummiesMy Profile

  4. Leanne@crestingthehill
    October 29, 2015 at 12:11 pm

    I agree that friendships mature once you get past your 20’s. A lot of casual friends fall by the wayside and other friendships deepen and grow stronger. I love the friendships I have now and try to invest time and connection because I don’t want to lose any of them.
    Leanne@crestingthehill recently posted…short thought ThursdayMy Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      November 5, 2015 at 9:55 pm

      I do think (hope) that the friendships you manage to maintain after your 20s will be with you for life. It does take investment, but nothing like in your 20s as we just don’t have the time we had then. But we definitely still need to make the effort – true friendships are special and worth it.

  5. Ellie @ Hand Me Down Baby
    October 29, 2015 at 1:40 pm

    Making friends as an adult is really interesting, especially the “mummy friend” phenomenon.
    In fact, I just wrote a blog post about it myself! http://www.handmedownbaby.com/making_mummy_friends.html

    I always like the quote that friends are “for a reason, a season, or a lifetime”
    Once you know which one they are you can better accept them for the friendship they offer.

    #brillblogposts #brilliantblogposts
    Ellie @ Hand Me Down Baby recently posted…Blog Post: What to do on Maternity Leave: Flower Team CoordinatorMy Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      November 5, 2015 at 9:59 pm

      I love that quote!! Puts it into perspective so well. I’m pretty sure I could categorize all of the friendships I’ve ever had by this. I haven’t really made any ‘mummy friends’, I need to check out our post!

      1. Ellie @ Hand Me Down Baby
        November 5, 2015 at 10:12 pm

        Making “mummy friends” is interesting and I think it depends on the status of your usual social circle at the time you have your baby. A lot of our friends had babies before us so even though we knew lots of people with kids, there wasn’t anyone off work like me when I had Little Miss A!.
        I would have gone crazy if it wasn’t for the new “mummy friends” I made!
        Ellie @ Hand Me Down Baby recently posted…Blog Post: Weight Loss Update – Getting StartedMy Profile

  6. Robyn
    October 30, 2015 at 7:43 am

    Great post, you’ve described my life and friendships completely! I’ve also let lots of friendships fall by the wayside as I’ve moved on from places and sometimes regret it, but I have a little group of friends who I catch up with a few times a year and we never run out of conversation. I’m too busy just now to put the time in to making new friends, but I know my social life will revive again once my kid(s) are a bit more independent. #coolmumclub
    Robyn recently posted…OFF THE HOOK – USING BABY AS AN EXCUSEMy Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      November 5, 2015 at 10:02 pm

      Thanks Robyn! I think a few true friends are so much better to have than lots of fair weather friends. It is so hard to keep a social life going with kids – but as you say, it will get easier again. Thanks for stopping by 🙂

  7. lynn @ More4mums
    October 30, 2015 at 3:04 pm

    Interesting post.
    I have lost a lot of friends from school and college but as I am in my 40’s we didn’t have facebook to keep in touch with everyone back then ! #picknmix
    lynn @ More4mums recently posted…More4mums new website design & Discount CodeMy Profile

  8. Laura's Lovely Blog
    October 30, 2015 at 7:32 pm

    This is a really good post, in your 30s your priorities change so much, I have relationships sometimes I feel a pang of sadness I no longer see that person anymore but I like your comment that all that matters is that you had a blast with that person at that time. I shall remember that.
    Laura’s Lovely Blog recently posted…Blog Love: Five Blogs I have Loved This Month (October 15)My Profile

  9. Nikki Frank-Hamilton
    October 31, 2015 at 2:52 am

    I want to be your best friend! LOL Come over for a cup of coffee/tea and hang out in your gorgeous kitchen with your gorgeous child! I like the way you think and the quote is so good. I miss some friends that I had, but now my husband is my best friend and thankfully he is not someone I have to do without or worry about not making time for. I’m sure all of your friends know how lucky they are to have you!
    Nikki Frank-Hamilton recently posted…Social Media Focus-PinterestMy Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      November 11, 2015 at 3:41 pm

      LOL! It’s so true what you say – my husband is my best friend too and I really do think that family is everything. Friends are important too but finding a soulmate for life is definitely the best blessing you can have.

  10. mummuddlingthrough
    October 31, 2015 at 8:33 pm

    Hi Natalie,

    I really agree with so much of what you have written. I live really locally to all my friends I grew up with – but even still our relationships have gone through ebbs and flows as we go through life and situations change. In particularly, becoming a Mum has brought me back to friends who I’d distanced from, and put a vast void between my city girl single pals. I’m sure though, that if and when we find common ground again, it could all change once more. I have definitely grounded myself, and established whats important in a friendship to me, that helps a lot to let go of any sadness. Life moves forward, not back. Thank you for linking up to #coolmumclub
    mummuddlingthrough recently posted…Quotes from the G-unit – October 2015My Profile

  11. wendy
    November 1, 2015 at 11:07 am

    Hi Natalie, I am only 24 but I can relate to all of what you have said. In my teens I had a big group of friends but when I moved away to university only a couple stayed in touch and now I have moved to Southampton I have no friends living in the same town/county as me – hopefully that will change soon. I only have a handful of people I would call true friends and I am happy with that. Plus, cheesy as it sounds, I am married to my best friend and as long as I have him I am happy xx #KCACOLS

    1. Mum in Brum
      November 5, 2015 at 10:10 pm

      I’m sure you will make some more friends in Southampton soon, it is difficult moving to new places but I’ve found that you always make new friends in the end wherever you go. And it’s so true what you say – there’s no better friend than your hubby xx

  12. Sara @ Handy Herbs
    November 1, 2015 at 3:31 pm

    Love this post Natalie. and I agree with what you have said. As you get older you do begin to realise what friendship really means and how precious time is. I really like the quote too! #KCACOLS
    Sara @ Handy Herbs recently posted…Why Grow Herbs with Children?My Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      November 5, 2015 at 10:13 pm

      Thanks Sara! Yes, I seem to have less and less time the older I get – so it definitely becomes more valuable! I’m not sure where it goes! Thanks for commenting 🙂

  13. Mim
    November 3, 2015 at 8:43 am

    I love this, I know exactly how you feel too. I think the best friendships are those where you just pick up the conversation where you last left off, whether it was 5 minutes, 5 months or even 5 years ago! My true friendship circle has reduced as I’ve gotten older and I’m very happy with that 🙂 Thank you so much for linking up to #KCACOLS and hope to see you back next week! Mim x
    Mim recently posted…Weekly Round Up #9 – New Job, Cake & BBQsMy Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      November 5, 2015 at 10:29 pm

      It is so true – it doesn’t matter how long it’s been since you last saw one another, you still have so much to talk about! x

  14. A Cornish Mum
    November 5, 2015 at 2:56 pm

    I think the older you get, the more you can spot the true friends and have less time for the fair weather ones! Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix
    Stevie x
    A Cornish Mum recently posted…Easy Chocolate Chip Cookies with CloverMy Profile

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