Not that I had any preconceptions that I’d be the most ‘perfect mum’ (whatever one of those is) or anything, but I’m ashamed to say there are a few things I may have judged other parents for, before having my own child (*slaps past self around the face*).
When I became a Mum I had all good intentions of doing (most) things by the book but the truth is, those rapidly dissipated when I realised that I’m not actually the one in control here. Don’t judge me…
5 THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT i’D SAY WHEN I BECAME a MUM
1. “Here, have some chocolate”
In the early days of Taylor’s weaning journey, I was more than a tad anal about her having a super healthy diet. Annabel Karmel was my best friend and any treats she did have were in the form of ‘100 % organic’ ‘1 of baby’s 5 a day’, or whatever other nonsense they write on those overpriced packets for the benefit of new mums. In fact, when Nanna first pulled out a milky bar on one visit, I probably broke out into a cold sweat.
But Taylor and I have moved on and we now have a mutual agreement: I give her a chocolate button and she won’t kick off in the supermarket, the car seat or even in the New Look fitting room. Whatever works.
2. “We don’t leave the house after 7pm”
It pains me to write this one. When I became a mum I always said that I would most definitely not be ‘one of those mums’ who arrange their whole life around their baby. And to be honest, we did pretty well at it for quite some time, still going out to our local, Taylor in her buggy whilst we enjoyed a meal and bottle of red. I’m not sure if I thought she would sleep in her buggy for the rest of her life, but all of a sudden this stopped happening and taking her out AWAKE after bedtime now literally fills me with dread. And yes, I prefer the daytime naps at home too as I get to do my house chores (*ahem, blog*). Luckily most of our friends either don’t have kids, or they have great babysitters so we’ve become pretty good at hosting takeaway and game evenings. Obviously I’m game for a girls night out whilst the hubby stays at home with Taylor. Anyone?
3. “Why can’t you just watch Cbeebies?”
I hear from other parents about the obsession their kids have with watching kids TV. Taylor’s only interest in our TV is limited to trying to break the remote control or (when she really wants my attention) pounding her fist on the screen. She’d much rather be emptying the kitchen cupboards, pulling the wet washing from the radiators or trying to ‘make a crawl for it’ to the dog bowl. Seriously, an hour of her sitting getting square eyes one afternoon would be quite blissful.
4. “She’s eaten the dog’s food again”
The word ‘crawl’ is all wrong. It conjures up connotations of lazy tortoises and sluggish(?) slugs. 14 month old babies are nothing like a tortoise. And I’m really not a bad mother. Honest. But on occasion I have found Taylor gleefully squeezing handfuls of dog food through her fingers whilst sucking on a kibble. It’s a bit of a game for her now, and I know that if I suddenly can’t hear her in the same room as me, it’s because she’s making her way at the speed of light to the dog bowl in the utility. Who would’ve thought dog food was so tasty?
5. “Pass her the remote”
Since Taylor started to move I’ve spent a good chunk of my days grappling the TV remote from her hands, hiding it behind pillows on the sofa, or placing it on the mantle piece out of her reach (I say the remote, but I’m of course talking about the four remotes that every household seems to need for one TV these days). But on occasion, the hubby and I will try and eat our dinner on the sofa whilst Taylor watches the Night Garden i.e. hammers the TV, tries to grab our dinner, knock over our drinks… It’s not unheard of on these occasions for one of us to finally shout “just give her the remote!” so that we can actually get on with eating. Do I like an easy life? Sure I do!
Bad, bad parents.