5 things I never thought I’d say when I became a mum

Not that I had any preconceptions that I’d be the most ‘perfect mum’ (whatever one of those is) or anything, but I’m ashamed to say there are a few things I may have judged other parents for, before having my own child (*slaps past self around the face*).

When I became a Mum I had all good intentions of doing (most) things by the book but the truth is, those rapidly dissipated when I realised that I’m not actually the one in control here. Don’t judge me…

5 things I never thought I'd say when I became a mum

5 THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT i’D SAY WHEN I BECAME a MUM

1. “Here, have some chocolate”

In the early days of Taylor’s weaning journey, I was more than a tad anal about her having a super healthy diet. Annabel Karmel was my best friend and any treats she did have were in the form of ‘100 % organic’ ‘1 of baby’s 5 a day’, or whatever other nonsense they write on those overpriced packets for the benefit of new mums. In fact, when Nanna first pulled out a milky bar on one visit, I probably broke out into a cold sweat.

But Taylor and I have moved on and we now have a mutual agreement: I give her a chocolate button and she won’t kick off in the supermarket, the car seat or even in the New Look fitting room. Whatever works.

2. “We don’t leave the house after 7pm”

It pains me to write this one. When I became a mum I always said that I would most definitely not be ‘one of those mums’ who arrange their whole life around their baby. And to be honest, we did pretty well at it for quite some time, still going out to our local, Taylor in her buggy whilst we enjoyed a meal and bottle of red. I’m not sure if I thought she would sleep in her buggy for the rest of her life, but all of a sudden this stopped happening and taking her out AWAKE after bedtime now literally fills me with dread. And yes, I prefer the daytime naps at home too as I get to do my house chores (*ahem, blog*). Luckily most of our friends either don’t have kids, or they have great babysitters so we’ve become pretty good at hosting takeaway and game evenings. Obviously I’m game for a girls night out whilst the hubby stays at home with Taylor. Anyone?

5 things I never thought I'd say when I became a mum

3. “Why can’t you just watch Cbeebies?”

I hear from other parents about the obsession their kids have with watching kids TV. Taylor’s only interest in our TV is limited to trying to break the remote control or (when she really wants my attention) pounding her fist on the screen. She’d much rather be emptying the kitchen cupboards, pulling the wet washing from the radiators or trying to ‘make a crawl for it’ to the dog bowl. Seriously, an hour of her sitting getting square eyes one afternoon would be quite blissful.

4. “She’s eaten the dog’s food again”

The word ‘crawl’ is all wrong. It conjures up connotations of lazy tortoises and sluggish(?) slugs. 14 month old babies are nothing like a tortoise. And I’m really not a bad mother. Honest. But on occasion I have found Taylor gleefully squeezing handfuls of dog food through her fingers whilst sucking on a kibble. It’s a bit of a game for her now, and I know that if I suddenly can’t hear her in the same room as me, it’s because she’s making her way at the speed of light to the dog bowl in the utility. Who would’ve thought dog food was so tasty?

5. “Pass her the remote”

Since Taylor started to move I’ve spent a good chunk of my days grappling the TV remote from her hands, hiding it behind pillows on the sofa, or placing it on the mantle piece out of her reach (I say the remote, but I’m of course talking about the four remotes that every household seems to need for one TV these days). But on occasion, the hubby and I will try and eat our dinner on the sofa whilst Taylor watches the Night Garden i.e. hammers the TV, tries to grab our dinner, knock over our drinks… It’s not unheard of on these occasions for one of us to finally shout “just give her the remote!” so that we can actually get on with eating. Do I like an easy life? Sure I do!

Bad, bad parents.

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36 Comment

  1. There's always time for tea
    February 18, 2016 at 10:30 am

    Haha! All things that are said very often in our house! xx

  2. Helen
    February 19, 2016 at 10:09 am

    The not leaving the house after 7pm is said a lot in our house – in fact it’s more like 5.30pm because our daughter goes to bed at 6pm! It does make the day very short but we stayed out later once and she didn’t sleep ALL night! It’s scarred me for life! Haha! #PicknMix

    Helen x

    http://treasureeverymoment01.blogspot.co.uk/

    1. Mum in Brum
      February 22, 2016 at 8:14 pm

      Haha, yep those nights literally haunt you and make you terrified to ever disrupt the order of the bedtime routine ever again! 🙂 x

  3. youthedaddy
    February 19, 2016 at 12:18 pm

    haha – such a funny post! I’m always amazed at how much attention my nephews and nieces need (our baby is coming later in the year), and how sometimes the only way for a moment of rest is by offering chocolate or TV! #FridayFrolics
    youthedaddy recently posted…New Parent Debate: will our new baby take after Mummy or Daddy?My Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      February 22, 2016 at 8:10 pm

      Yep, I’m definitely secretly looking forward to when my daughter can start to enjoy the TV a little – it can be difficult to keep them entertained all day! All the best with your baby later in the year 🙂

  4. Claire at Life Love and Dirty Dishes
    February 19, 2016 at 12:33 pm

    Surely the dog food could count as one of her 5 a day?! Great post. SO true. Made me giggle. Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

    1. Mum in Brum
      February 22, 2016 at 8:08 pm

      Thanks Claire! I’m really not sure what her obsession is with the dog food. I do feed her tasty meals, honest! 🙂

  5. Laura @dearbearandbeany
    February 19, 2016 at 1:44 pm

    Great post. The way I am with my second daughter is very different to my eldest, I give in to a lot more things and quicker. Pretty much anything for an easier life goes! x #picknmix
    Laura @dearbearandbeany recently posted…I took my ten day old baby to a wedding…and survived!My Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      February 22, 2016 at 8:04 pm

      I often ask myself ‘is it really worth it?’ when considering a meltdown in public and the answer to myself is pretty much always ‘no’! As you say, anything for an easy life! x

  6. Cheryl
    February 19, 2016 at 3:58 pm

    Hah hah! Let’s be honest we all thought like this before baby number 1 and then reality kicks in and you’ll do anything to not have a meltdown in public, avoid drinks and food being thrown all over the place and have a bit of peace and quiet. Funny how our expectations change with baby number 2! #TheList. x

    1. Mum in Brum
      February 22, 2016 at 8:01 pm

      So true – anything for a bit of peace and quiet! I don’t think I’ll have any such preconceived ideas of being the perfect mum if we have a second! x

  7. Madeline
    February 19, 2016 at 9:04 pm

    Haha, it’s the ‘again’ that gets me – She’s eaten the dog’s food ‘again’ – brilliant! I’m with you on the chocolate front, it works wonders for keeping my daughter happy during the weekly shop! x #TheList

    1. Mum in Brum
      February 22, 2016 at 7:53 pm

      Haha, I know as if we’ve let it happen more than once. It’s the only place in the house where she knows she’s not allowed so it’s a constant mission of hers to get to the dog bowl! x

  8. Jason
    February 22, 2016 at 10:58 am

    Great post. Thanks for sharing.
    “Give him the iPad” and “Stop licking the floor” are two that I never thought I would say about/to my 2 year old son.
    #marvmondays

  9. Rhyming with wine
    February 22, 2016 at 11:21 am

    Agreed. All of these sentences are heard quite regularly in our house too. Thank Nestlé for Milky bar buttons is what I say!! I too am “that mother” that not only won’t leave home with the kids after 7pm, but I also insist on being home for 4.30 so that I can cook tea and do the whole bath time routine. It works, and they go to sleep at 7. Why on earth would I risk messing with it?? ;0)

    Brilliant and very funny.
    Dawn xx
    #marvmondays
    Rhyming with wine recently posted…Erm… What have I actually done all day?My Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      February 22, 2016 at 7:43 pm

      Exactly! I think we miss our sleep so much during the first year that once we finally crack it we’re terrified of disturbing the routine. I think I’d rather stay in and go to bed early 😉 xx

  10. nadine ( @caringchaos )
    February 22, 2016 at 11:21 am

    Im with you on the cbeebies! My daughter wants constant attention my only saving grace are some you tube videos of Mickey Mouse 🙂 #marvmondays
    nadine ( @caringchaos ) recently posted…My fears as a special needs single parentMy Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      February 22, 2016 at 7:41 pm

      I try to get her to watch you tube on my phone in bed in the morning but she just grabs the phone – I’m hoping it won’t be long!! Maybe I should try Mickey next 🙂

  11. Claire
    February 22, 2016 at 2:31 pm

    Really enjoyed this post. Here, have a chocolate made me giggle. Describes me to a tee! #marvmondays

  12. Claire
    February 22, 2016 at 2:32 pm

    Really enjoyed this post! Here, have some chocolate me me giggle. It sums me up to a tee! #marvmondays
    Claire recently posted…My Week In Pictures #1My Profile

  13. laura dove
    February 22, 2016 at 5:12 pm

    Yep! I’m exactly the same! Especially on Cbeebies!!! #thelist
    laura dove recently posted…Eight things that no bereaved parent wants to hear.My Profile

  14. Lucy at occupation:(m)other
    February 24, 2016 at 3:41 pm

    I love this. I never thought, in those delicate weaning months, that chocolate would pass his lips until, ooo I don’t know, 14. Pah, he’s two and a half and chocolate (chocolate coins particularly) have been my friend many a time. My son loves CBeebies but can also sense when I want/need him to watch it and so he’ll declare that he doesn’t want to watch anything. Um what!? #bestandworst
    Lucy at occupation:(m)other recently posted…Creative Mothers Series – Mothering FrightsMy Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      February 29, 2016 at 2:02 pm

      Haha, it’s funny how they just know what you want from them and their natural instinct is to do the exact opposite! If all else fails – chocolate! x

  15. Jodie Allen at Makeup to Motherhood
    February 24, 2016 at 7:14 pm

    I am guilty of most of these too! I also spend a large portion of the day wrestling my daughter for the remote! Why are they so obsessed! #bestandworst
    Jodie Allen at Makeup to Motherhood recently posted…Toddler Update: 13 MonthsMy Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      February 29, 2016 at 2:00 pm

      I don’t get it – apparently you can buy spare ones from the supermarket which i’m definitely going to go and source! x

  16. Stephanie Couch
    February 25, 2016 at 11:26 pm

    I think all parents can relate to this 😉 Bribery is the only solution sometimes! As for the remote, you can buy spare ones relatively cheaply in supermarkets, perfect for keeping them amused. Obviously you have to pretend not to want them to have it so that they want it still though 😉

    Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix
    Stevie x
    Stephanie Couch recently posted…An Open Letter to The BBC and EastendersMy Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      February 29, 2016 at 1:53 pm

      Wow I so need to go get myself to the supermarket and buy one of these! I have the toy ones but they just don’t do the trick – probably because she knows she’s allowed it! 🙂

  17. Friday Frolics
    February 26, 2016 at 12:37 pm

    […] Do you ever have those moments where you say something to one of your kids and on the inside you cringe a little, because it’s one of those things you promised yourself you would never say as a parent?  Having just survived half term I can totally relate to Mum in Brum’s post;  5 Things I Never Thought I’d Say When I Became A Mum. […]

  18. MMT
    February 26, 2016 at 3:49 pm

    Another spot on post Nat. Did someone say girls night out?! Oh I forgot…I’m never drinking again 😉

    I’m so with you on the chocolate front…ours goes something like ‘ No more fruit, have a biscuit’.

    Thanks for joining us at #coolmumclub lovely!

    1. Mum in Brum
      February 29, 2016 at 1:51 pm

      Haha – your girls night out sounds like something I need right now! Which is never a good thing as those one’s where you’re ‘up for it’ are guaranteed to end with a terrible hangover! I’m all for the biscuit bribes these days! xx

  19. Anna Brophy
    February 26, 2016 at 11:51 pm

    Was once so easy to judge those mothers….until I had my own kids. I cannot get the remote into their hands quick enough. #coolmumclub

  20. Sarah Howe (@RunJumpScrap)
    February 27, 2016 at 3:36 pm

    Nah this makes you normal lol! I went back on chocolate and late nights (as soon as my daughter was up too!). You have to do what you can to survive in this parenting game! Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst x
    Sarah Howe (@RunJumpScrap) recently posted…My Happy List Week #2My Profile

  21. My Petit Canard
    February 28, 2016 at 9:34 am

    Ha, ha! Love this post and your honest. I can totally relate, as im sure most other parents out there will…and if they say they dont/cant, then theyre probably telling a little white lie 😉 So with you on the food and diet front and the chocloate bribes (anything for an easy life lol). Thanks for linnking up to #MarvMondays

    1. Mum in Brum
      February 29, 2016 at 1:49 pm

      Thanks so much Emily! I admire any parent who doesn’t give into a chocolate bribe every now and again! xx

  22. […] been reading up on this and I’m starting to wonder if you’re actually doing it to get my attention. Like when you crawl over to the TV, stand up, LOOK OVER AT ME, before you proceed to bang on the […]

  23. thismummylark
    March 2, 2016 at 11:49 am

    Said here too! Anything for a quiet life x

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