Welcome to another guest post for #UsAfterYou – the series where I ask some of my fellow bloggers what having children has meant for their relationship.
This week I’m delighted to have Rebecca from the great blog, All About U. I always find myself clicking onto Rebecca’s blog as I really relate to her posts. She covers a range of topics close to my own heart including parenting, travel and interiors. She also posts some great blogging tips from time to time, sharing some of what she’s learnt over the years since she first started out.
Mr U and I had our first child, Max, the month before our 3rd wedding anniversary. We had always known that we wanted to have children so it just seemed like the right time in our relationship. Now, having just had our 7th anniversary (wow, I feel old) we have added one more child, Chloe (nearly 2), into the mix.
When we had Max, everything changed. I knew having kids was going to change some things, but as I’m sure a lot of you know, it is one of those things that if you’ve not experienced it, you just can’t fully understand it. It took a lot of adjustment and making a few changes in how we did things, though, it is a wonderful thing to see your other half become a parent.
Mr U has really taken to his role as a father and I love seeing he and the kids all playing together. He is definitely the ‘fun’ parent, as I work from home, so the kids see much more of me so apparently, I’m boring… When he comes home from work each night, they just want to play with him and pile on him! I think sometimes he just wants to sit down and have his dinner haha!
As for our relationship, that of course did change after having children. When you are married or living with a partner, you need to make some compromise to be able to have a successful relationship I think. When you add children, there are more than just you two that you have to add into the equation and more compromise or changes. For us, it did take some adjustment. Still not perfect at it, I must admit! We had to get out of the ‘I just changed the last nappy so this one is yours’ mentality. For us, we have had to just get stuck in and do things as and when.
I have found that things aren’t really 50/50 in a relationship when you have children. Sometimes it is a bit more 70/30 for a time. Then things change and it swaps around. Particularly in the early days and learning to breastfeed, I felt like I was just doing everything! But that phase of life has now passed and we have settled into our roles better. We have both developed a lot more patience; for the children and each other.
We don’t have any family particularly close by, so date nights can be tricky if we don’t have a friend to babysit. So we make a special effort to make date nights at home extra special. It sounds silly but just having dinner by candlelight or making his favourite dessert, or (very occasionally) 😉 he walks in with a bunch of flowers. Just little things to let the other know that we love them.
Having children has changed us and our relationship, but from where I’m standing, it is only for the better.