#UsAfterYou – Featuring Sons, Sand and Sauvingnon

It’s that time of the week again! Another guest post in the #UsAfterYou series where I ask, “How did your relationship change after children?”

This week we have the lovely Clare from Sons, Sand & Sauvignon. Apart from having a very cool blog name, Clare writes some brilliant lifestyle and parenting posts alongside trusted product reviews and a whole category dedicated to wedding design and inspiration. In fact, she’s just launched her very own Etsy shop, turning her passion for weddings into a business – so go and support her and spread the word!

But first, pop the kettle on, pull up a comfy seat and read on…

Sons, sand and sauvignon

I remember the exact moment having children changed the dynamic of James and my relationship. It was long after we started having children and a lot more to do with our personal circumstances.

We found out we were expecting Hayden four months before we were due to be married, and everything just seemed to fit the natural path we had outlined for our future. Once the wedding was over we had the excitement of getting prepared for our gorgeous baby boy. I had decided to take 8 months off work for maternity leave but had every intention of returning to my career as a restaurant manager. As we lived above our workplace, nothing ever really changed, apart from the fact I could take great pleasure watching James go to work on a Sunday whilst I got to enjoy time in front of the tv, or playing with our little bundle of joy. A definite perk when you have worked in a carvery brand for the previous 8 years. James was never really a ‘night out with the boys’ kind of person so our relationship pretty much stayed the same. We would share the household chores equally and James was amazing with taking over night feeds!

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Once I returned back to work, I just got stuck right in to the manager life again. James took care of Hayden 90% of the time and when Hayden was at nursery James would work in my restaurant as he always had done. We became good friends with a couple of the staff from Hayden’s nursery so had managed to bag ourselves some responsible childcare for those gig nights in London that we loved so much. General life caused strains here and there on our relationship from time to time, but still we were very much the same couple.

We were soon expecting our second son Ellis, but we continued on as normal. We had plenty of opportunities for ‘date nights’ as well as enjoying time as a family. I still worked hard and James naturally took the stay at home parent role, he was great at it! It just worked for our family set up. I could bring in double the wage he could, and my job gave us a home that cost us very little.

Our relationship changed the most when we were had our third and final little boy, Kinley. We decided to buy our own house. I no longer enjoyed my job, and I had begun to resent James for experiencing all the firsts and getting those all-important early years of our children’s life.

We moved across the country, and James got a good job working for the brand I had previously worked for, whilst I embarked in a stay at home mum lifestyle with my two little monkeys and growing bump.

How did your relationship change after children?

Things changed pretty quickly. James was no longer only downstairs working, I no longer had adult conversation every time I left my front door and before we knew it our relationship changed drastically. We had forgotten to appreciate each other. I forgot what hard work the restaurant trade was, and James forgot how difficult staying at home can be. We weren’t unhappy, but things were strained. Children, and our life as it was had suddenly changed us as a couple. There was more silence than giggles, more sleeping than talking and a lot less appreciation for how hard each other had it. We would argue about discipline, routine and structure. We couldn’t agree on hardly anything surrounding the children.

Until one day. We had a huge ‘discussion’ and realised we had allowed ourselves to be swallowed up in our new separate lives and in the process had forgotten about each other. It was time to change that before the strains became cracks.

We worked it all out and things are now better than ever. We don’t get many opportunities for time alone away from the children, but that is just the way it is. We make time for each other once the children have gone to bed, and spend as much time talking, laughing and enjoying life as a family of five.

I don’t necessarily think it is children that change you as a person or a couple, it is the circumstances surrounding your life when you bring children into the world. Make time for each other and remember why you fell in love in the first place, and you’re sure to be onto a winner!

You can follow Sons, Sand & Sauvignon on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest and Google+

How did your relationship change after children? Or has it stayed the same? If you’d like to submit a guest post for #UsAfterYou go ahead and drop me a line – I’d love to have you!

#UsAfterYou - did your relationship change after children?

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12 Comment

  1. Educating Roversi
    March 6, 2016 at 2:15 pm

    Love this feature. So nice to identify with other bloggers regarding the struggles of having child and the stress it puts on relationships. #KCACOLS

    1. Mum in Brum
      March 9, 2016 at 11:15 am

      Thanks so much Becky, glad you enjoy the reads! I got your email and will drop you a line later x

  2. The Pramshed
    March 7, 2016 at 6:44 am

    I think that every relationship changes after children, I know that once my little one is asleep all I want to do is pile into bed. It’s great that you have worked through and are now really happy. Claire x #KCACOLS

    1. Mum in Brum
      March 9, 2016 at 11:13 am

      I know the feeling – I’m told it gets easier! 🙂 x

  3. Sarah Howe (@RunJumpScrap)
    March 9, 2016 at 8:12 am

    I think you are so right hun. My hubby works from home and it makes such a difference!! I feel less alone, he sees my daughter and I get time out. I think that keeps you sane. I’m not saying it is the same but not too bad since our daughter came along. It sounds like you guys are very much in love and work very well together. Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst x
    Sarah Howe (@RunJumpScrap) recently posted…Best and Worst Week #41My Profile

  4. Kathy @ Hopes, Dreams and Chocolate
    March 9, 2016 at 9:33 pm

    This is a really interesting post, and I am so pleased things got better. I think it is so easy to gradually drift, due to the business of life with kids and all the routines, stresses and strains that go along with having them. it is something which me and my hubby have to keep an eye on. Thanks for featuring this story. Kathy x #KCACOLS

  5. MMT
    March 10, 2016 at 8:55 pm

    Wow, a very heartfelt and truthful post. I think this is the best of the series so far as it really highlights how important it is to communicate, and not let resentment drive you apart. Kids test every relationship, but its a testament to you if you can come out the other side as a team.
    Fabulous.
    x MMT
    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub
    MMT recently posted…#coolmumclub Linky week 19My Profile

  6. Claire at Tin Box Traveller
    March 10, 2016 at 9:53 pm

    Claire has had so many changes in her life since the kids have come along. It’s fantastic that she’s been able to reflect on it all with her OH, even when times have gotten tough, and come out the other side . It’s definitely the sign of a great relationship! #KCACOLS
    Claire at Tin Box Traveller recently posted…#TravelTimehop series edition #8 with MamaMimMy Profile

  7. Silly Mummy
    March 10, 2016 at 11:07 pm

    This is really interesting – and some very good advice in there too. #KCACOLS
    Silly Mummy recently posted…Toddler LiteratureMy Profile

  8. A Moment with Franca
    March 12, 2016 at 3:24 pm

    It is nice getting to know more about Clare. I knew some part of her story but this tells me even more. She had a gorgeous family! She is a great mother!!! Lovely photos!!! I love this series! Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS. I would love to see you again on Sunday! 🙂 x
    A Moment with Franca recently posted…Sisterhood of the World Bloggers TagMy Profile

  9. Jenny
    March 15, 2016 at 1:45 pm

    Having children definitely changes us and relationship so much glad you have worked through it and inspiring to let others know it’s a work in progress when you first have kids. Lovely captures here too. Thanks for linking up to #ShareWithMe.
    Jenny recently posted…Siblings {March 2016}My Profile

  10. […] I did 2 guest posts in March one for my gorgeous friend Laura and her series The Stay At Home Crowd and the lovely Nat  and her series Us After You. […]

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