It’s that time of the week again! Another guest post in the #UsAfterYou series where I ask, “How did your relationship change after children?” This week we have Wakefield Mum Becky from the fab blog Educating Roversi. If you haven’t visited her blog yet it’s well worth a visit with posts featuring days out, home improvement, teaching and of course, the wonderful world of being a mother to her cheeky son ‘Mini R’, who turns two this summer. Read on for her guest blog post…
My husband and I were not a conventional couple from day one. We got together because we’d met though friends who we’d been seeing and, as we became “official”, his Dad opened the family restaurant in which R worked all hours to ensure the business had the best start that it could. Whereas new couples spend their lives in each other’s pockets, we had space from the beginning which wasn’t something that I would have enjoyed a couple of years previously however, after enjoying a year and a half being single and (as cheesy as it sounds) “finding myself”, it was perfect. No pressure and I was still able to get on with the life I had enjoyed living before I met him, just with the added bonus of a lovely boyfriend to see occasionally, and when he asked me to move in with him only four months everything fell into place.
It’s fair to say that in the five years pre- child, we continued with our together yet separate lives. We had our own friends and our own lives as well as our lives together and it was the way we liked it. A few people found it odd but we thought it stopped us from getting complacent. We made sure we enjoyed the rare time we did get together, not knowing if even that would be taken away. We had the odd argument, ahem I mean heated discussion, when he was called into work on what was supposed to be his day off. I cherished the nights that my other half was at home to cuddle up to on the sofa because most nights of the week it was just me, but I enjoyed the fact that having a boyfriend didn’t stop me from seeing my friends as often as I had when I was single.
Our precious times together consisted of many cinema visits (we share a love of films), meals out, day trips and the occasional staycation: most memorably one in the Cotswolds when we’d only been together a few months, and nights out with his mates in Leeds. We enjoyed inviting people around for tea and getting in bed early to watch a favourite film, not all together!
On the 3rd August 2013 we got married and knew we wanted to start a family, after all neither of us were getting any younger! We were lucky and by October 2013, Mini R was on the way!
Born on my 30th birthday, the first two weeks while my husband was off work were actually quite good. Yes, we were tired and felt like we were making things up as we went along but we were a team, being thoughtful of each other and our feelings. Something we could do with remembering more recently. I breastfed and the hubby was to become my right hand man, helping me get comfy or passing me things (usually my phone which I always seemed to leave on the side I was feeding on making it hard to reach!). As the weeks progressed, his working hours became a god send, I would express enough for one feed which would coincide with when he got in from work, around 11/midnight. If I went to sleep straight after the feed before it I could get a solid 4/5 hours sleep which kept me sane.
All the amazing teamwork was surprising to me, why? Well we’d always been known as the couple that bickered, not arguments, just little petty things. Honestly, it annoyed me but we are both so opinionated that it naturally happened! The biggest change in our relationship since having Mini R has definitely been how that bickering has lessened. I won’t say it’s been eradicated completely but it’s rare.
Obviously it’s not ideal for our son to witness bickering between his parents, however light hearted, however I have also realised I should pick my battles so I bite my tongue at times and have the rule that, if it’s something important, I will discuss it calmly when Mini R is in bed. This works well as, by the time it gets to nap/bedtime, I’ve usually gotten over my issue.
Time is still an challenge for us. We struggle to spend time together alone. Sunday’s are our family day which are lovely: little walks with our little man, Sunday dinners and maybe a bit of Bingo for mummy in the evening while Daddy gets some alone time for himself but time together: missing in action! Hence why I organised a weekend away for his birthday which you can read about here!
We both keep saying we need to make more time for each other but opportunities are rare. Sunday’s and Monday’s are his only evenings free but Monday and Tuesday are my days in work, as well as Friday, so I’m usually knackered or wanting an early night so I’m revived for work.
Having Mini R has turned us into a family and since then we have created a home and a life as a three. It’s lovely, as long as he’s not sitting playing on his phone when he could be doing something useful! Ha ha! Being a mother has calmed me, which has had a positive impact on our relationship because I don’t always have my say back now. Life is busier than ever but I’m enjoying riding the wave of parenthood, wih the hubby by my side.
If you would like to submit a guest blog post for #UsAfterYou, please do give me a tweet or drop me an email!