Oh Britain, how I love thee. For all of your flaws, your contradictions, your whinging and your stiff upper lip…
And dare I say it, I even love you for your unpredictable weather and ability to sh** all over our plans whenever you feel like it. Afterall, if you were constant, what else would we talk about? Going on holiday to seek some sunshine is lovely, but give me sunshine in Britain any day – everybody just gets so flipping excited. It sends us a little bit giddy, and who can blame us?
- At the first sniff of sun you’ll invite everyone to yours for a barbecue…
- And then point and laugh from inside as Dad stands outside in the rain
- You’ll talk about ‘what a beautiful day it is’ to those people you have nothing better to say
- Certain men (who really shouldn’t) will decide it’s far to hot to keep their top on walking down the street – it’s at least 18 degrees afterall
- Your mum will tell you at least five times that there’s going to be a heatwave this week – she read it in the newspaper
- A glass of Pimms at lunch time will turn into an all day session (oh, wait – I have a child now…)
- You’ll shave your legs for the first time in six months. Okay, maybe second.
- And purchase five different shades of coral for your toenails
- You’ll buy lots of random nut and seed ingredients for exciting ‘super salads’
- You’ll throw away a lot of salad
- You’ll consider buying a last-minute flight to Ibiza (and then remember you have a child)
- On the hottest day of the year you’ll be sat in traffic on the motorway. Or in an office.
- You’ll be totally made up when you bag the best table outside the pub for lunch…
- And then be totally pissed off when you get attacked by an army of wasps and have to move inside
- You’ll start an elaborate landscaping project in your garden (that you’ll never complete)
- You’ll think it’s not that hot until you have a shower and realise you’re the colour of Mr Blobby
- And defend your stupidity by telling everyone that you ‘always go red before you tan’
- You’ll revisit that exercise regime you started last summer
- You’ll rush out to buy a paddling pool…
- Use it for a day and then watch it collect rainwater for the next month
- You’ll consider purchasing a gazebo and an outside patio heater
- You may find yourself secretly watching Big Brother
- You’ll get ridiculously excited in Primark picking up everything you need for your summer hols…
- Get to the till and wonder how the hell all those £5 items added up to £100
- You’ll find yourself browsing lastminute.com – you realise summer’s over and you need more sun!
What are your plans for the summer?!