Are two children easier than one?

Are two children easier than one?

I grew up with my older sister always at my side.

There are two years, four months between us and for most of our childhood and teenage days, we got on pretty well. Yes, of course we bickered, shouted and sulked with each other. There may have even been (definitely was) a few punches thrown during our teenage rages, but I really can’t imagine it being any other way.

Bored moments were few and far between. I always had someone to play with, someone to talk to, someone to annoy, someone’s head to fart on (yes, girls do that too). On holidays we would explore together and make up our own games. At home we would spend whole evenings having ‘laughing fits’ about a secret joke only we would find funny, or just because we were ‘being silly’ fooling around.

are two children easier than oneMy sister is like the other half to me – even though we are so different in many ways, we share exactly the same principles, and we know what each other’s thinking without having to ask. But above all, we love each other. I really don’t think there’s a love the same as the one siblings share – someone who will always have your back. Someone who will always be honest with you. Someone who will never judge you.Β I realise that not all siblings get on so well and that we are lucky.

So I guess I always imagined that I would ‘have more than one’ child myself. Two to be precise.

And then we had Taylor and now she’s at that age where we’ve started to think about when we might want to try for a second…She’s at that lovely age where she’s having so much fun and she’s sleeping through and she’s walking and she’s started nursery and I’m starting to get back into work. And I’m loving every minute of it…

Do I really want to start all over again?

I’ll be the first to admit that I found those first nine months so much harder than I thought I would. The sleepless nights, the incessant crying, the constant worry. And that’s not even thinking about that little task called labour… Although I loved my little newborn with every cell in my body, I found the first year…well, a little boring actually. I can think of better ways to spend three hours of my day than waiting for a burp.

And now that Taylor’s getting more independent by the day, we can’t help but start to look forward. To a time when she’ll be able to sit in a restaurant and occupy herself without us having to take turns walking around with her, to a time when we can go on family days out to the theme park, or cuddle up for a lazy Sunday afternoon on the sofa watching Disney films. And I can’t tell you how excited I am about actually being able to step into a cinema again…even if it is to watch a U rated.

Are two children easier than one?

Are two children easier than one?

So do I really want to start all over again?

Yes, I do. I’m certainly not in any hurry – I’m loving my time with Taylor at the moment and I want to enjoy it a little longer. But hopefully one day we will be able to give her a sibling.

I have to say that we have been so tempted to join the ‘one and done’ clang – and I completely see why many parents choose to stick with one. In fact, most of my only child friends are also of this clang, which assures me that being an only child definitely has its perks!

But looking forward, I can’t help thinking that Taylor will make a great older sister and would love a little pal to play with. There’s something about two adults and one child which makes me feel so responsible.Β Maybe it’s selfish of me, but I quite like the idea of chatting to my husband over a meal out whilst the kids chat to each other. I like the idea of having my husband next to me on our family holiday whilst the kids play in the pool together.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one to sit on the sidelines – I love a good kid’s game – but I feel like the demands would be much higher with one (in the long-term). And those trips to the theme park and the cinema will surely be double the fun with two? I won’t have to sit on my own on the dodgems…We will just have to wait a little longer for those days.

But for the time being, let’s just enjoy right now.

What do you think? Are you a one and done? Or do you have more? Are two children easier than one? Or does life get more difficult with two?
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60 Comment

  1. Robyn
    May 4, 2016 at 1:29 pm

    It is a good question, and I don’t think there is a correct answer; I know many people that have intentionally had children with the recommended 18month gap and they spent the first few years absolutely exhausted but they do have a lovely age gap that allow the children to grow up close and then I have crazy gaps between my children of 7 years and 11 years which is most def less stressful and I have ready made babysitters but they don’t spend that much time together. I think as long as you are all happy and your family feels it is ready you will know if and when the time is right.

    1. Mum in Brum
      May 13, 2016 at 10:47 am

      You’re so right – there really is no correct answer and it’s whatever feels right for each family. I can’t imagine how people manage with an 18 month age gap in the beginning – I’m still finding it exhausting with a 16 month old, but I can see the logic in the long term. I guess as you say, we will know when the time is right x

  2. Allyson Greene
    May 5, 2016 at 1:06 am

    My sister and I were 6 years apart and it didn’t make for fun times for anyone. However, my son an daughter are 10 years apart and I love it. In some ways they are both only children, we do different things with each, and do whole family things sometimes. They don’t spend every minute bonding, but they do spend a fair bit of time hanging out over video games or when the small one gets scared or needs a friend. Honestly I was terrified of starting over when I basically had my freedom, but I love it. What works for you is the best!
    Allyson Greene recently posted…Mom Confession Monday: My Hobo KidsMy Profile

    1. Allyson Greene
      May 11, 2016 at 1:39 am

      back again from #KCACOLS
      Allyson Greene recently posted…Girls Can’t be GhostbustersMy Profile

    2. Mum in Brum
      May 13, 2016 at 10:52 am

      You’re spot on – I think different set ups work for different families and you know in your heart when the time is right! Sounds like you have a great set up and it’s so sweet that the little one looks up to her brother – I’m sure that bond will only strengthen as they grow older x
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  3. Louise | Squished Blueberries
    May 5, 2016 at 11:20 am

    I don’t know about an easier life…. But I can’t imagine life without a sibling! The more the better in my opinion πŸ˜‰
    Louise | Squished Blueberries recently posted…Am I done having babies?My Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      May 13, 2016 at 10:53 am

      Ooh and I’ve just seen the title of your latest post! Popping over to have a read!
      Mum in Brum recently posted…Creating a vegetable patch in the gardenMy Profile

  4. John Adams
    May 5, 2016 at 11:46 am

    Two presents many different challenges. It may all seem straightforward….but when the older one starts school they have completely different needs to the younger one and anything you’ve dealt with before. That is the experience of this SAHD. Even so, I wouldn’t want it any other way. #brilliantblogposts

    1. Mum in Brum
      May 13, 2016 at 10:55 am

      I can imagine that is really difficult to juggle – where there’s a will there’s a way I guess! I can imagine it gets a whole lot easier once they’re both at school.
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  5. Emma
    May 5, 2016 at 3:05 pm

    The intro to your post I could have written myself lol. We have one at the mo and are in that nice toddler phase. he mostly sleeps, eats, travels well(ish), is agreeable, we can DO things! We did the cinema too haha! and I just think urgh, the thought of doing it all again, and yep, found the baby bit incredibly dull and a bit lonely :/ We had my niece stay one weekend, she being 6 and my boy nearly 3. I thought, stupidly, they’d play well together and it would be easy. I was wrong. they argued and bickered all bloody day, over the stupidest of things. and then when we took them to the park, she just ran off! didn’t enjoy it at all lol. back in the one and done club for now ;-)) #brillblogposts

  6. Debbie
    May 5, 2016 at 3:58 pm

    Hi Natalie, I’ll be honest and say that I never really wanted children or to get married (shows how the right person can sway you), but I knew my husband did and by that time I was getting feelings that I really would like to be a Mum after all. Once we’d decided to start a family, we always had having two children on the agenda. Like you, I have a sister and whilst we aren’t as close as we once were (we live in different countries and don’t see each other often) I couldn’t imagine life without her in it. As youngsters we got up to all sorts together… Can you imagine not having a sibling to get excited about things with? I couldn’t.

    Having children is a personal thing, but I am now a great believer in you know what’s good for you and you’ll know when the time is right for you. I know I wouldn’t change a thing.

    xx
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    1. Mum in Brum
      May 13, 2016 at 10:57 am

      I can’t imagine not having a sister to get excited about things with! But as you say it is a personal thing and I can totally see why some choose to stick with one. It’s funny what you say about the right person changing you – the hubby thinks he just wants the one, but we will see πŸ˜‰ xx
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  7. Nicole @ The Professional Mom Project
    May 8, 2016 at 2:01 am

    I think this choice totally depends on the family, the parents, kids etc. I’m an only child and my son is an only. I grew up having lots of amazing experiences and I’m not sure that I ever missed having a sibling. Our son is doing well – he’s happy, energetic and very social. I like your idea of just enjoying yourself now and seeing how it goes in the future. #KCACOLS
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    1. Mum in Brum
      May 8, 2016 at 9:27 pm

      It is such a personal decision and as you say, totally depends on your individual circumstances. I think it’s too easy to start thinking about a second, but I’m loving having just my one toddler at the moment! X

  8. Baby Anon
    May 8, 2016 at 7:24 am

    I’m just going to hide your post from Mother as her and Father recently discussed another baby and I scuppered this thinking through abominable behaviour….;) You certainly make a good argument in favour of two and I like your point about enjoying the moment x #KCACOLS

    1. Mum in Brum
      May 8, 2016 at 9:22 pm

      Haha I could’ve made an equally strong argument for one I’m sure! πŸ˜€ x

  9. Katy - Hot Pink Wellingtons
    May 8, 2016 at 7:34 am

    I’m debating this at the moment and have a very similar post written up in my drafts! I’m definitely in the ‘two children’ camp, but like you, I just can’t face the thought of doing it all over again just yet – especially this time with a toddler to worry about too! #KCACOLS
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    1. Mum in Brum
      May 8, 2016 at 9:20 pm

      It is a little overwhelming isn’t it?? Sometimes we talk about the first six months as though they’re over and then we realise that we’re planning to do it all again…eek! X

  10. Sarah
    May 8, 2016 at 8:20 am

    I never thought I would have just one, but it doesn’t look like number 2 is ever going to show up, and now to be frank I think it’s pointless as there will be a 6 year age gap – they would never play or have anything in common. Plus No1 didn’t sleep for TWO YEARS and I’m still broken!!! #KCACOLS
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    1. Mum in Brum
      May 19, 2016 at 11:58 am

      Life has a way of working itself out doesn’t it! We will just have to wait and see if it happens for us, I’m certainly in no rush. And if I didn’t sleep for two years I’m sure it would probably put me off forever!! x
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  11. Emma
    May 8, 2016 at 9:39 am

    could have written this post myself. i’ve been umming and ahhing for ages now. i just dont know if i can handle the “will i be sick or not” again though :/ #KCACOLS

    1. Mum in Brum
      May 19, 2016 at 11:59 am

      Ooh I know the feeling – I’m trying to not even think about the pregnancy again! :/ x
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  12. Crummy Mummy
    May 8, 2016 at 10:00 am

    One child is like having a nice pet, two children and suddenly you own a zoo. Take my word for it – be prepared!! #KCACOLS
    Crummy Mummy recently posted…Things you can’t do now your baby is a toddlerMy Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      May 8, 2016 at 9:18 pm

      Haha I’m not sure anything can prepare me for a zoo – but I’m sure your comment will stay with me years down the line πŸ˜€

  13. Madeline
    May 8, 2016 at 12:43 pm

    I have 2, with an age gap of nearly 3 years and I love it. It can be demanding at times, but seeing them together and seeing the bond they already have is brilliant. x #KCACOLS

    1. Mum in Brum
      May 19, 2016 at 12:00 pm

      That seems like an ideal age gap to me. I’m thinking that we’ll just know when the time is right for us to start trying again x
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  14. Emma
    May 8, 2016 at 6:39 pm

    Natalie, i could have written this post myself! weve bene umming and ahhing for ages. i feel like we can get on with stuff now! but then again, the thought of not doing baby stuff again makes me a bit sad :/ not at 2am mind ! #KCACOLS

    1. Mum in Brum
      May 19, 2016 at 12:01 pm

      It is such a big decision isn’t it!? I’m hoping that I’ll just know when the times right to start thinking about number two – I’m not in any rush for the time being x
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  15. Mother Hermit
    May 8, 2016 at 9:33 pm

    We debated this question for a while. I say a while, we now have a 2yo girl and an 11week old boy, so not that long really, and I have to admit that I’m finding it so much easier than I had expected. Our boy just falls into our routine and because we’re so laid back this time around, he’s just so placid and seems to be much easier than it was when we had his sister. Don’t get me wrong, some days you want to hide when they start crying at the same time or routines clash, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. It’s brought our little girl on so much too, she absolutely adores him. Siblings are the best xx #KCACOLS

    1. Mum in Brum
      May 13, 2016 at 10:58 am

      You see, this is the ideal that I hear sometimes and hang onto a lot! Taylor was a bit of a nightmare as a newborn with colic and reflux so I tell myself that second tie around might be easier! I live in hope…good to hear your story xx
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  16. Coombe Mill - Fiona Cambouropoulos
    May 8, 2016 at 10:38 pm

    Two aren’t easier than one but they are not twice the work either! Go for it. #KCACOLS
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  17. BecomeMum
    May 9, 2016 at 11:11 am

    Whew I don’t know about another one! It will be at least another year before we think of that, I would like to enjoy some independence for a little while first. You know, get fit, sleep and be merry! #marvmondays
    BecomeMum recently posted…Returning to work. Why I’m drinking wine on an early Sunday afternoon.My Profile

    1. Mum in Brum
      May 13, 2016 at 11:01 am

      I can totally relate – I’ve loved my sleep so much since I got it back! And not to mention another nine months of no alcohol and feeling crap – it does make me question if I’ll ever feel ready for a second!
      Mum in Brum recently posted…Creating a vegetable patch in the gardenMy Profile

  18. The_tale_of_mummyhood
    May 9, 2016 at 12:05 pm

    Love this post! Currently reading it whilst I try to burp my newborn (have been here for 45 minutes so far). Luckily my 11 month old is napping so, I don’t have to keep a constant eye on her climbing on all of the furniture!

    #KCACOLS

    1. Mum in Brum
      May 19, 2016 at 12:02 pm

      Wow you didn’t wait very long! Kudos to you – and for running a blog too, you must be superwoman! x
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  19. Lindsay
    May 9, 2016 at 1:31 pm

    There’s 2 years 2 months between my 2 and I love it. It was hard initially but now the youngest is approaching 2 I feel glad that the baby days were over and done with in one swoop! I can’t imagine ever having a third (so much so that my husband had a vasectomy 4 months after our youngest son birth) but I adore having 2!

    1. Mum in Brum
      May 19, 2016 at 12:03 pm

      That’s such a lovely age gap. I think there’s a lot to be said for having them close together – hard initially, but as you say you can make shorter work of the baby years. Not that we want to rush them or anything but they are hard work!! x
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  20. Laura @ Life with Baby Kicks
    May 9, 2016 at 1:55 pm

    People say that going from one to two is easy, but we definitely didn’t find it that way (and I wrote about it a while back) because people said it should be easy I kind of expected it to be a breeze but it’s been hard. It’s such a personal thing how many children – everyone is different #MarvMondays
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  21. Jen @Practical, By Default
    May 9, 2016 at 7:02 pm

    Interesting question. I have two, always wanted 4. Now they are older, I am glad we stopped when we did. I was raised alone, and I wish I had someone to pal around with as mine do. They fight, and argue. They run and play. I am sure whatever you choose will be great! #KCACOLS

  22. MMT
    May 9, 2016 at 7:41 pm

    Easier? I’m not sure that’s the right word…but second time around is different – you just don’t know what kind of child you’re going to get and that is probably the key!
    Our two girls are already the best of friends though, and in many ways we are starting to experience that ‘easiness’ you talk about – they do play together while I’m doing stuff, and it’s a joy to see.
    Sounds like you have the right attitude Nat – there are no guaruntees with anything when it comes to family life, so be happy with what you have, and whatever else comes is a blessing. xxx
    #marvmondays
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    1. Mum in Brum
      May 19, 2016 at 12:11 pm

      Yes, easier was probably the totally wrong word! It would be lovely to give Taylor a sibling to play with though – providing they got on of course! But your’re right, you never know what you’ll get. Perhaps our second would be a little more mellow…we will have to wait and see if it’s meant to be first! xxx
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  23. Emma
    May 9, 2016 at 8:21 pm

    we’ve been undecided for ages! #KCACOLS

  24. Rachel (Lifeathomewithmrsb)
    May 9, 2016 at 8:41 pm

    OOO that’s a tricky one to answer. My two are not getting on at the moment. When i only have one as the other is out i find it more peaceful but i don’t want my children to grow up as a single child. I have one brother and one sister who i love to bits. I hope in time as my children grow they will start to love each other again too! #KCACOLS
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  25. Becky | educating roversi
    May 9, 2016 at 9:10 pm

    We’d like another one but we’re waiting until Mini R is a little bit older. I need him to be more idependant before I begin again. #KCACOLS

    1. Mum in Brum
      May 19, 2016 at 12:08 pm

      I can totally relate to that – I think it would be so tiring having two completely depending on you x
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  26. Laura - dear bear and beany
    May 9, 2016 at 9:34 pm

    We are in the 2 and done camp! My husband always wanted 2 close together in age, firstly because he is an only child and missed the sibling thing, second,y, he wanted to get on with it in the nicest possible way. Because it is hard going back to the begin and starting again, especially because this time you know more about its like. He wanted to do it before we got too much of our life back. There is 2 years and 10 days between my girls. We are now 20 months down the road of having 2 and it’s not easier, no where close to it. But I adore the relationship my girls have and every month that my youngest gets older they play that bit better together. I would definitely do it all again just to see my girls together. X #MarvMondays
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    1. Mum in Brum
      May 19, 2016 at 12:07 pm

      Ah – I can totally relate to wanting to get it over and done with (in the nicest possible way!) It is hard work and the thought of going through that first year again is daunting. But all so worth it in the end I’m sure, it’s so lovely that your girls already have such a great bond x
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  27. Lucy at occupation:(m)other
    May 9, 2016 at 9:38 pm

    Ah this is lovely and made me feel all warm and fuzzy since I can’t really back out of the two thing now. It does take some thinking about, and wow I definitely thought…angsted would be more accurate, but there are lots of things I’m excited about. And lots I’m worried about mind you! Lovely post…and I’m sure whatever you decide will be just right for your family. #KCACOLS

    1. Mum in Brum
      May 19, 2016 at 12:05 pm

      Aw thanks – and good luck with your second! I’m sure it will be hard initially but all totally worth it! x
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  28. Tammymum
    May 10, 2016 at 9:11 am

    As a mum of two I must say I can totally understand the one and done thing for all the reasons you mentioned. That being said I don’t think I could ever get past the niggle that I would always want more than one! Two is tough but one is tough. I wouldn’t change having two for the world and yes one day we will sit as they play in the pool with a mojito in hand.. Crosses fingers. Thanks so much for linking at #KCACOLS. Hope you can come back again on Sunday.

  29. Petite Pudding
    May 10, 2016 at 7:44 pm

    One was great, two is hard work but I can see the bond between them already and I know that long term it will be fab. Besides second time round you don’t get the chance to be ‘bored’ in those first few months (in fact you kind of wish you could be). Having two children under 5 has been the hardest thing I will ever do, but its also been one of the best! #KCACOLS
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    1. Mum in Brum
      May 11, 2016 at 10:36 am

      I definitely think we’d find it difficult in the first five years – but yes, hopefully we’d enjoy it in the long term! x

  30. Someone's Mum
    May 10, 2016 at 9:30 pm

    It totally depends on the children, I think – and the parents! I have a 2 year age gap and my eldest, a bot, was diagnosed with asd just after his sister came along. She suffered with awful colic and reflux and screamed for about 6 months solid. He was absolutely distraught by her arrival. For a long time, it was very tough. It still is…but I wouldn’t have it any other way. There is much that is positive too – like when they interact, now that he is coming round to her! #KCACOLS

    1. Mum in Brum
      May 11, 2016 at 10:34 am

      Wow that does sound tough – you’re right it totally depends. Taylor was the same as your little one with colic and reflux so the thought of doing the first six months all over again isn’t a great one! x

  31. Bridie By The Sea
    May 11, 2016 at 8:52 am

    This is a conversation me and my other half often have – I think it’s tough with one, and imagine it would also be tough with two. But I love the idea of E having a brother or sister to play with and to grow up together side by side. I have 3 brothers/sisters and we are all quite close ages, and I love the closeness we naturally have. #KCACOLS
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    1. Mum in Brum
      May 11, 2016 at 10:32 am

      I think when you’ve grown up with siblings it’s hard to imagine now having one isn’t it? x

  32. Conflicted Orange
    May 12, 2016 at 12:56 pm

    I feel exactly the way you do. I am desperate (okay not the right word, but do want!) a big family. However, I have gotten out of those newborn days and I’m glad to have them behind me even though I do miss them a lot and spend a good chunk of life wanting them back. I love how bubba is now, I love the independence that is increasing. I’m an only child and I have a great relationship with my parents and I want that with my own child. However, I’ve always known that I couldn’t be a ‘one and done’ person. Not before bub, not now and not later either. I just /know/ that I couldn’t do it. On the flip side I think two will be very hard and that’s also a reason for waiting. Imagine waiting three hours for a burp with a toddler wanting a snack, dinner, painting on the wall and then screaming about the wrong coloured plate you put in front of them! It’s definitely not all bad, I know, but I’m not ready for it yet. I want to enjoy my baby and hang on until another one is here.

    Sorry for the ramble – your post brought out the word vomit in me! #KCACOLS
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    1. Mum in Brum
      May 13, 2016 at 10:40 am

      Glad you can relate to this! It is weird – every rational bean in my body tells me ‘Don’t do it!’ but my heart tells me otherwise! I think when you’ve had an idea of what you’d like for so long it’s hard to suddenly change it. But yes- it’s definitely not going to be easy! x

  33. My Petit Canard
    May 13, 2016 at 10:48 pm

    Aww having one is so lovely, especially once they are toddlers and start getting a sense of independence. After months of them being so dependent on you, its refreshing to be able to do things without them glued to you, to have proper little conversations with them, and to discover their little personalities. But having two (although I can yet to confirm) will surely just add to the fun, and the love and all the rest of it πŸ™‚ Sometimes its best not to overthink it and just go with the flow and see what happens with these things! Thanks for linking uo to #MarvMondays. Emily

    1. Mum in Brum
      May 15, 2016 at 8:31 pm

      I like to think so! Hopefully you’ll be able to confirm all for us soon! I look forward to reading your posts when you have your second little munch x

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