Second child fears I probably shouldn’t admit to

second child

Life is pretty great right now. I feel as a family of three we are in such a good place. At almost two and a half years old, I’m enjoying my time with Taylor more than I ever have done before.

I cherish our time together just the two of us when the hubby’s at work. Our family days out are great fun and no longer revolve around strict nap and feeding times. I enjoy having a toddler who can interact with me, I have fun playing games with her and I love how simple pleasures like a trip to the park or a ride on her bike can incite such delight. I don’t even mind soft play these days (#neverthoughtitwouldhappen)….

second child

Yes, toddlerhood certainly has its own challenges – the relentless tantrums and irrational demands are a test on most days…But I’ll take those over the sleepless nights, the insistent crying and the utterly exhausting memories I have of trying to please a newborn baby.

And now I’m about to do it all again.

Of course I’m excited about having our second child, but as I reach the final trimester of this pregnancy, I find I also have many fears which I never expected to have. Fears about going back to those frantic newborn days, fears that the hubby and I will have no time for each other, fears that I won’t be able to cope with two…

But my real fear is that I’ll be losing my baby girl and I’ll never have these times with her again.

Taylor will become our ‘big girl’ overnight and the whole dynamic of our family unit will shift. I fear that my relationship with my little girl won’t be the same, as another baby – who she won’t quite understand – will be taking all of her mummy’s attention.

Will I be able to love her in the same way when I’m exhausted, stressed out or preoccupied with my newborn?

Last week Taylor fell asleep on me during the afternoon on the sofa. My instant reaction was to put her to bed, but instead I stayed there, in that uncomfortable position for over an hour, just cuddling her. I realised that in less than three months time, simple pleasures like these will belong in the past and she won’t be able to have her mummy whenever she chooses.

As every parent knows, the love you have for a child is completely overwhelming. You love them with a fierceness that you can’t explain and you would do anything to make them happy and keep them safe. When you feel so strongly for one child, it’s impossible to imagine that you will be able to love a second child in the same way.

How will I possibly love our second child as much as I love our first?

second-child

Of course, I know that I will. In the same way that I could never actually imagine being a mum until Taylor was cradled in my arms, I know that once I meet my baby boy for the first time, these feelings of detachment will disappear forever.

And I know that in the long term, Taylor will love him too. One day I’m sure I will look back on this post and be in awe of how clueless I was about what the future was about to bring. Just as I look back on this post now.

But for now, I’m just hoping that it’s true what they say about baby number two just ‘fitting in’ and being different from the first – I think we’re due a content and peaceful newborn this time around!

Do you have more than one child? Did you experience similar feelings when pregnant with your second child?

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12 Comment

  1. Chloe
    April 26, 2017 at 6:48 pm

    Hi,
    I’m sure that Taylor will be a fantastic big sister and that you will all have great family times ahead which I look forward to reading all about #bestandworst

  2. The Tale of Mummyhood
    April 27, 2017 at 1:00 pm

    I remember having a lot of these fears before I had my second too. We’re only human after all! #coolmumclub

  3. jeremy - thirstydaddy
    April 27, 2017 at 1:34 pm

    we only have the one, but these all seem like pretty understandable fears. I would feel the same way #bestandworst

  4. Aleena
    April 27, 2017 at 8:48 pm

    Oh wow, there’s such a parallel here; Amelia was 2 and 4 months when Wills was born (he’s 9 months now) and I had every single one of those fears. I was told I couldn’t have any more after Amelia, so he was rather surprise! Because of that, Amelia was my everything, for such a long time. I was so frightened that I wouldn’t/couldn’t possibly love Wills as much as I do her, that she would miss out on valuable time with me, that another baby would ruin our tight relationship, that she would resent me.. I could go on! 9 months on, life is better than ever! yes the baby stage is a pain, but we’re over that and Amelia is a fantastic big sister. Today we managed to sit on the sofa cuddling and watching a movie just like old times while Wills played on the carpet then napped. I thought “stuff the housework, we’re chilling together”. I’ve tried really hard to involve her in everything, even if it’s as simple as “Mummy really needs your help – could you get me a nappy for Wills please?!” She feels so needed and wanted, and it’s shown in how she’s responded to becoming a sister. Sorry for the essay, I truly wish you all the best!!!! #coolmumclub

  5. MMT
    April 27, 2017 at 8:54 pm

    Oh I remember all these feelings so well. You don’t need to worry Natalie – everything will click into place and in the same way that new family member will be all new and special, Taylor will always be your first born and your special bond will only grow stronger as you watch her adapt and nurture her brother.
    Enjoy this time, but don’t believe it’s the end of you and Taylor time, because even with two kids, you can always make time to have one on one with each of them, and it becomes all the more precious.
    Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub – I’m excited about the arrival (is that weird?!)
    MMT recently posted…#coolmumclub Linky week 63My Profile

  6. Wendy
    April 28, 2017 at 7:15 pm

    I felt all of these things when I was pregnant with my second last year. You don’t have to worry about the Love you for Taylor being given dampened by the new arrival, seeing your first born become a sibling so special..whenever I see Leo with Alex it makes me the happiest I’ve ever felt. It will all work out fine, try not to worry xx #coolmumclub

  7. I am sure you will all adapt and change as your new addition arrives. Whilst it will feel strange having two, the relationship with your daughter would change and evolve as she grows anyway. I’m sure she will adore being a big sister and just want to support her mummy…the usual toddler antics aside 😉 #CoolMumClub
    Angela Watling (Life, Motherhood and Everything) recently posted…Reasons I am grateful #4My Profile

  8. Jaki
    April 29, 2017 at 3:33 pm

    I have all of these fears which is why we have never had another. I still don’t know if we will. Time will tell. I’m sure it will all work out brilliantly for you. #coolmumclub

  9. Helen Gandy
    May 2, 2017 at 9:30 pm

    Oh yes I absolutely had these thoughts but they soon went once my daughter arrived. There is so much love to go around it’s unreal. Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well lovely and thanks for linking up to the #bestandworst hope you’ll stop by tomorrow!

  10. Crummy Mummy
    May 3, 2017 at 4:20 pm

    I have three and remember feeling just like this before my second was born. But it was all totally fine and better with two, so I didn’t worry at all before number three arrived! #bestandworst
    Crummy Mummy recently posted…To the lady in the supermarketMy Profile

  11. The Sunday Mode
    May 12, 2017 at 2:41 pm

    Coming from a completely different point of view (being a second child) I know that having a big sister is something I wouldn’t trade up for anything, despite the ups and downs and I know a lot of other people with siblings feel the same. So although I don’t have kids so can’t talk at all from that standpoint, I think your first born might really really love having a little sister to take care of herself (apparently my older sister coddled me like crazy when I was a baby) and another little human to spend time with? 🙂

    Julia // The Sunday Mode

    1. Natalie Mudd
      May 25, 2017 at 12:18 pm

      Yes I completely agree! I was a younger sibling too and loved always having a play mate around – despite the fall outs! 🙂

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