Second child fears I probably shouldn’t admit to

second child

Life is pretty great right now. I feel as a family of three we are in such a good place. At almost two and a half years old, I’m enjoying my time with Taylor more than I ever have done before.

I cherish our time together just the two of us when the hubby’s at work. Our family days out are great fun and no longer revolve around strict nap and feeding times. I enjoy having a toddler who can interact with me, I have fun playing games with her and I love how simple pleasures like a trip to the park or a ride on her bike can incite such delight. I don’t even mind soft play these days (#neverthoughtitwouldhappen)….

second child

Yes, toddlerhood certainly has its own challenges – the relentless tantrums and irrational demands are a test on most days…But I’ll take those over the sleepless nights, the insistent crying and the utterly exhausting memories I have of trying to please a newborn baby.

And now I’m about to do it all again.

Of course I’m excited about having our second child, but as I reach the final trimester of this pregnancy, I find I also have many fears which I never expected to have. Fears about going back to those frantic newborn days, fears that the hubby and I will have no time for each other, fears that I won’t be able to cope with two…

But my real fear is that I’ll be losing my baby girl and I’ll never have these times with her again.

Taylor will become our ‘big girl’ overnight and the whole dynamic of our family unit will shift. I fear that my relationship with my little girl won’t be the same, as another baby – who she won’t quite understand – will be taking all of her mummy’s attention.

Will I be able to love her in the same way when I’m exhausted, stressed out or preoccupied with my newborn?

Last week Taylor fell asleep on me during the afternoon on the sofa. My instant reaction was to put her to bed, but instead I stayed there, in that uncomfortable position for over an hour, just cuddling her. I realised that in less than three months time, simple pleasures like these will belong in the past and she won’t be able to have her mummy whenever she chooses.

As every parent knows, the love you have for a child is completely overwhelming. You love them with a fierceness that you can’t explain and you would do anything to make them happy and keep them safe. When you feel so strongly for one child, it’s impossible to imagine that you will be able to love a second child in the same way.

How will I possibly love our second child as much as I love our first?

second-child

Of course, I know that I will. In the same way that I could never actually imagine being a mum until Taylor was cradled in my arms, I know that once I meet my baby boy for the first time, these feelings of detachment will disappear forever.

And I know that in the long term, Taylor will love him too. One day I’m sure I will look back on this post and be in awe of how clueless I was about what the future was about to bring. Just as I look back on this post now.

But for now, I’m just hoping that it’s true what they say about baby number two just ‘fitting in’ and being different from the first – I think we’re due a content and peaceful newborn this time around!

Do you have more than one child? Did you experience similar feelings when pregnant with your second child?

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Mummuddlingthrough

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6 Comment

  1. Reply
    Chloe
    April 26, 2017 at 6:48 pm

    Hi,
    I’m sure that Taylor will be a fantastic big sister and that you will all have great family times ahead which I look forward to reading all about #bestandworst

  2. Reply
    The Tale of Mummyhood
    April 27, 2017 at 1:00 pm

    I remember having a lot of these fears before I had my second too. We’re only human after all! #coolmumclub

  3. Reply
    jeremy - thirstydaddy
    April 27, 2017 at 1:34 pm

    we only have the one, but these all seem like pretty understandable fears. I would feel the same way #bestandworst

  4. Reply
    MMT
    April 27, 2017 at 8:54 pm

    Oh I remember all these feelings so well. You don’t need to worry Natalie – everything will click into place and in the same way that new family member will be all new and special, Taylor will always be your first born and your special bond will only grow stronger as you watch her adapt and nurture her brother.
    Enjoy this time, but don’t believe it’s the end of you and Taylor time, because even with two kids, you can always make time to have one on one with each of them, and it becomes all the more precious.
    Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub – I’m excited about the arrival (is that weird?!)
    MMT recently posted…#coolmumclub Linky week 63My Profile

  5. Reply
    Wendy
    April 28, 2017 at 7:15 pm

    I felt all of these things when I was pregnant with my second last year. You don’t have to worry about the Love you for Taylor being given dampened by the new arrival, seeing your first born become a sibling so special..whenever I see Leo with Alex it makes me the happiest I’ve ever felt. It will all work out fine, try not to worry xx #coolmumclub

  6. Reply
    Jaki
    April 29, 2017 at 3:33 pm

    I have all of these fears which is why we have never had another. I still don’t know if we will. Time will tell. I’m sure it will all work out brilliantly for you. #coolmumclub

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